yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
