She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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