Im at strip club and am horny
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
