So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
