Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
