Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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