I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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