no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
