My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
