If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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