I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
