Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're too hungover to prance.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
