At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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