There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
