Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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