erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
