this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
