Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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