On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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