I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
