Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
