Me. At least after what I've been through.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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