My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
