She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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