I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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