And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
