the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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