He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
