On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
40s are totally the cure
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
