saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
