it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
