I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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