Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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