Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
