I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
