you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
