I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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