if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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