My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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