Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
