If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
