We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
