are you so shy because you have an std?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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