you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
