she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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