i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
even my farts smell like vagina
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
