So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
