people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When are your genitals available?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
