I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
