Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
