I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
